Humor
December 18th, 2009
- Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and ...
Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!" - Yo momma is so fat, her ass has its own congressman.
Yo momma is so fat, her ass has its own congressman. - Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was trying to run away from Chuck Norris. - Dodi and Diana wanted a wedding made in heaven ... ...
Dodi and Diana wanted a wedding made in heaven ...
Versace was sent up first to get the wedding gown and decorative preparations done for the occasion.
Then D & D went on together.
Mother Teresa went next to bless the couple.
An invitation was sent to Elton John to sing at the service but somehow it was misdirected and went to John Denver instead. - Teacher: "Johnny why is your cat at school today?
Teacher: "Johnny why is your cat at school today?"
John (crying): "I heard the postman tell my mummy when the kid goes to school I'm going to eat your fuckin pussy!" - How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
1) However many turns you on ;)
2) That depends ... is it AC or DC?
3) Three or more ... it's more fun to fumble in the dark that way instead of being alone. -
A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks ...
A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
